Holiday Blues

Thank god we're home!! It's certainly been quite a week.

Flight to Portugal was late, and as we hadn't travelled with Linda and David, they had to collect us from the airport. You'd think we did it on purpose. Apparently we interrupted their afternoon siesta - could have a nap any bloody time.

First night wasn't too bad, went out for a lovely meal to Fernando's - Lionel ordered scampi, should have known it wasn't normal breaded scampi when they brought out these strange implements (looked like something you would dissect a crab with). Anyway when Lionel tried to open them, one went flying and hit this rather large lady at the next table. It wouldn't have been so bad but it was covered in a oily dressing and it slowly slid down her bare back and onto her dress (she was wearing a halter neck - very brave thing to wear when your that big). Lionel looked like a guppy - with purple face and mouth just opening and closing with nothing coming out. As you can imagine the lady was not amused but we did buy her a bottle of wine to apologise. Thankfully we walked back to the villa, so no car singing.

Next couple of days went very slowly, with the same routine full english breakfast, lots of sunbathing and drinks around the pool about 3ish. I fear my hips are now bulging. It's always hard being someone's guest and having your day mapped out for you. God, I sound so ungrateful! It was the evenings that were the hardest though - we had to play cards or scrabble (hate, hate, hate scrabble - even hid Lionel's so he couldn't bring it with us) Things got a bit tense though. Linda hates to lose and it was great when either Lionel or I scored high words at the beginning of the game (what a look she gave us) but as the game went on you've got less letters to play with and I could tell she's played this seriously before. Everytime they got a high score she would jump up and shout "Go Simpson's" or high five David - got quite unpleasant at times. Not sure I like this side of them. Needless to say they beat us at most of the games. Not bitter about it.

Lionel and David went golfing on the fourth day to a place called Oitavos Dunes near Lisbon. Well it's been quite some time since Lionel has played a round and he was in a dreadful state the next day. You'd think he'd been on some kind of marathon, he could hardly move. Hurray he beat David though (makes a change).

But it was really the last night that confirmed my feelings towards David and Linda. We'd all gone out for a meal (we'd paid for it to say thank you for having us - although thinking about it, we had actually contributed quite a bit by paying for most of the food and drink shopping throughout the week) anyway, they chose the most expensive meals on the menu and we must have gone through at least 3 bottles of some really expensive stuff when Linda started going on about their Jackie again (think she was a bit squiffy) I am sick of hearing how wonderful she's doing at the law firm, but managed to stay quiet. Lionel kept giving me that look he does when he's worried I'm going to say something embarrassing, but think Linda managed to do that quite well herself. She started getting louder and louder (think she was trying to impress the people at the next table) and waving her hands about - problem was, she was still holding a full glass of red wine and just as she was gesticulating about being "top of your game", the contents of her glass went flying across the floor. This wouldn't have been so bad, but the waiter just happened to be walking past carrying the puddings to the next table, when he slipped on the wine - puds went everywhere and total silence descended across the restaurant. Lionel, bless him, wiped the souffle off his shoulder (said it tasted quite nice) and helped the poor chap up off the floor, afraid the desserts could not be saved. Shame they did look rather nice. Could not believe Linda, she didn't offer to help clear up the mess she'd caused - said rather loudly "David, that's what they get paid to do" and looked at the waiter as if it was all his fault. What a cow! We paid the bill and Linda and David staggered back to the villa while we finished our coffee.

Hadn't heard from Martin at all, I did try him on his mobile a few times but just kept ringing, left a few messages but he must be really busy at the moment with work.

Headed back to airport (by taxi) Linda was still in bed with probably a rather nasty hangover, so said goodbye to David, must say he looked a bit sheepish, probably best not mention last night.

Didn't like to say anything at the time, but found some strange little blue tablets in their bathroom cabinet. Lionel said I shouldn't be so nosey, but feel it may have explained their afternoon siesta sessions!

The Torture Begins!

Off on hols later today. Seem's to have come round ever so quick. Managed to find a couple of swimsuits - decided against bikini's (don't want to frighten any young children)!! Have had to hide Lionel's speedo's though, not sure why he packed them. Whenever he wears them he looks like some kind of German porn star. Not the right look for a holiday with Linda and David.

Oh, I really don't want to go, but there's no getting out of it now.

Spoke to Martin this morning and he seems a bit down in the dumps - offered to pay for him to fly out to Portugal and join us, but he declined - mentioned something along the lines of "old fogies" and "Truly being a Mummy's boy". Not sure where all this is coming from, Hayley probably! Have promised to send him a postcard when we get there.

Have packed the gin and playing cards. David is so competitive at everything, it could get nasty out there! Good job I stopped Lionel packing the scrabble board!

Oh My..........

What a weekend! Firstly dropped off birthday cake for Mr Duggan's 60th party. Felt quite pleased with it - always tricky trying to make mini sculptures of people (you never know if they like their likeness), even harder when he's a naturist and they wanted a naked sculpture of him sunbathing. Never want to do anyone down, so had to guess appendage size, hope he was pleased. Debbie said she'd never handled anything so small.

Went to Martin's for dinner on Saturday night, I thought I was very well behaved given the temptation to criticise. He had worked very hard at tidying up the flat and the casserole smelt delicious, even the lemon syllabub dessert looked good. Not sure about the taste of either though - lamb was decidedly fatty and think she must have put half a bottle of spirit in the syllabub. At least she tried. Wasn't entirely certain about her attire, I thought the mini skirt was just a little too short for somebody of her age with such dimply thighs. Anyway the good news is she's going on a residential teacher training course for 2 weeks when we get back from our hols, so we'll see a lot more of Martin. I have so missed my nightly phone chats with him.

Yesterday caught up with the walking girls, it's been ages since I've been to any of our weekly walks/exercise/torture sessions. Set off over the fields at a cracking pace (still felt slightly delicate from the night before)and carried on into the village, where poor old Natalie slipped off the kurb and landed on her behind. Which wouldn't have been so bad but Carol (walking leader) shouted (I thought just a little too loudly) "Good job there's plenty of coverage on your backside girl otherwise that might have hurt" Ooooh what a cow!

The Electrician Cometh........

Have had such a lovely morning - listened to that new Disc Jockey Chris Evans, he's quite funny really. Taken me a while to get into the swing of things with him, but once he played The Candy Man by Anthony Newley I knew he was a kindred spirit. Did make me feel good.

Listening to Radio 2 almost made up for the shock I had getting out of the shower this morning! Well............. Lionel had said that the electrician was coming this morning - to put a new outside light up in the garden. Would I let him in. But Lionel must have let him in on his way out to work whilst I was still in the shower. Poor chap, what an eyeful he got. I bounded out of the bathroom singing at the top of my voice (everyone knows I can't sing) swinging my pink fluffy towel around and not a stitch on!! He was very good about it, once he had gone back to a normal colour. He did go very pale.

Anyway garden light looks lovely and Greg the Electrician worked at top speed - didn't even stop for a tea. Goodness, will recommend him to the girls.

Didn't find any swimsuits yesterday. Not sure the saggy look is in yet.

Anyway must get on, have a birthday cake to ice and deliver and we are off to dinner with Martin and the Pole Dancer tonight. Can't wait!

It's been a while.....

Well, I can't believe how long it's been since I updated my journal. Forgot how to log onto this bloody thing. AGAIN!!! Have had to wait for Martin to show me. Fat lot of use he's been. Can't seem to ever get hold of him these days since that bloody pole dancer came to live with him. Any way am now back on line and he has promised never to read anything I write. Didn't know that he could, thought this was only for my eyes.

Anyway, Linda managed to get hold of Lionel (can't tell you how many times I've pretended to miss her phone calls) and we are now going on hols with them next week. I can't believe he couldn't think of a decent excuse to get out of it - apart from an in-growing toenail, but she wasn't having any of it. Told Lionel the rest would do him good. Am dreading it! I really really don't want to go. Lionel say's that I'm not being very grateful - Do I care!!

So because we're off next week, have had to rush through a few orders so that Debbie doesn't have too much to do while I'm away. I'm afraid she can only work at one speed and that's slow. Have had quite a few orders through for wedding cakes this month which I always enjoy doing. A couple of them want to be made out of individual fairy cakes with fancy toppings and tiered into pyramid shapes. They are really easy to do and so cost effective - if only all my orders could be that easy.

Funnily enough I bumped into the mother of one of my wedding clients (had some strange fairy tale theme for her wedding - bit naff) and she told me that the son-in-law has done a runner with the best man - OMG! Did not know what to say - promised to be very discreet.

Anyway off shopping tonight for a couple of swimming suits - hope they have reinforced panels for my tum!