Help!
Am trying to make battenburg cake but every time I try, it's a disaster!
Does anyone have a decent recipe for battenburg, or any tips I could use.
Am making this for a lovely old lady and don't want to let her down.
x
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Monday, 5 September 2011
Happy camping
Woke up this morning to find 2 caravans, 3 cars and about 12 people outside the front door, all waiting for me to let them park up in our back garden. It turns out that Martin had met them in some chat room on the internet and had told them they would be made welcome in our village, whilst on their sightseeing tour.
Lionel is livid - especially as he's only just got the stripes perfectly straight on the lawn.
I did politely mention that there was a decent b&b down the road, but they said they like to travel the open road and see where they end up.
Spent all morning, making bacon butties and strong tea. I should have charged them really, but they kept saying what decent chap Martin was, and how right he was about us.
Anyway, have got to stock up on baking supplies as I have 2 wedding cakes to make and a retirement cake in the shape of a a cruise liner. Lionel suggested I might want to do a re-make of the Titanic, not sure that's in the best taste as Doris is 70, grey hair and flat as a pancake, looks nothing like Kate Winslet, I mean even I can't perform miracles!
Lionel is livid - especially as he's only just got the stripes perfectly straight on the lawn.
I did politely mention that there was a decent b&b down the road, but they said they like to travel the open road and see where they end up.
Spent all morning, making bacon butties and strong tea. I should have charged them really, but they kept saying what decent chap Martin was, and how right he was about us.
Anyway, have got to stock up on baking supplies as I have 2 wedding cakes to make and a retirement cake in the shape of a a cruise liner. Lionel suggested I might want to do a re-make of the Titanic, not sure that's in the best taste as Doris is 70, grey hair and flat as a pancake, looks nothing like Kate Winslet, I mean even I can't perform miracles!
Friday, 2 September 2011
Who's camping in my garden?
Martin's just phoned to say he's got some friends who have a caravan and are on a travelling holiday - could they possibly pitch up in our back garden?
Never heard of them before, but martin assures us that he met them on the internet and they sound like really nice people.
He said something about they're looking at re-locating.
Never heard of them before, but martin assures us that he met them on the internet and they sound like really nice people.
He said something about they're looking at re-locating.
Trouble and strife
Lionel is acting very odd!
There's something the matter for sure. He came home smelling of some very nasty perfume last night and claimed it was just because he was sat next to someone wearing it, in the last meeting he was in. He's also told me he's thinking of growing a goatee - think's it might make him look a bit younger. Say's he needs to keep up with the younger generation in his firm. Well the last time we went to a works do, the only person younger then Lionel was Hillary the cleaner and she's nearly 50!
Our accountant has been looking over our books this week - looks like we've gone through an awful lot of icing lately - might be down to the cakes we provided for the naturist society, we always want to do them proud!
Heard some shocking news on the baking grapevine - Heavenly Buns has gone bust! Believe the bad publicity about the bodily hair that was found in one of their cakes might have had something to do with it. I'm not one to gossip, as all my friends know, but when I was telling Margaret, she'd heard it was curly and ginger. Felt quite sick. Enough to put you off your fondant fancies.
There's something the matter for sure. He came home smelling of some very nasty perfume last night and claimed it was just because he was sat next to someone wearing it, in the last meeting he was in. He's also told me he's thinking of growing a goatee - think's it might make him look a bit younger. Say's he needs to keep up with the younger generation in his firm. Well the last time we went to a works do, the only person younger then Lionel was Hillary the cleaner and she's nearly 50!
Our accountant has been looking over our books this week - looks like we've gone through an awful lot of icing lately - might be down to the cakes we provided for the naturist society, we always want to do them proud!
Heard some shocking news on the baking grapevine - Heavenly Buns has gone bust! Believe the bad publicity about the bodily hair that was found in one of their cakes might have had something to do with it. I'm not one to gossip, as all my friends know, but when I was telling Margaret, she'd heard it was curly and ginger. Felt quite sick. Enough to put you off your fondant fancies.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
Sir Terry's the father!
Dark, dark days in the Baker household. Sir Terry has shamed us all. Turns out he's the father of Lucy's new puppys. Thought their dog looked a bit on the podgy side. Lionel tried to inject humour into the situation "Can you imagine the headlines. The one and only Sir Terry, father's a right pack of bitches". Not funny in the least!!!!!
We have done the honourable thing and contributed financially until homes can be found for them all. They are truly on the ugly side though, it may take a while.
Have spoken to our vet and I'm afraid Sir Terry will have to be done - not sure I could cope with any more scandals.
Come to think of it, there have been other goings on in the Baker Household, Lionel has been acting rather strangely recently and not just because of the dog situation. He's been rushing out to work before I'm even up and wiped off my face mask. He never used to be so keen to get to work and when I try and ring him on his mobile, it's always switched off - he say's it's because he's in meetings. Hmmmmmm
We have done the honourable thing and contributed financially until homes can be found for them all. They are truly on the ugly side though, it may take a while.
Have spoken to our vet and I'm afraid Sir Terry will have to be done - not sure I could cope with any more scandals.
Come to think of it, there have been other goings on in the Baker Household, Lionel has been acting rather strangely recently and not just because of the dog situation. He's been rushing out to work before I'm even up and wiped off my face mask. He never used to be so keen to get to work and when I try and ring him on his mobile, it's always switched off - he say's it's because he's in meetings. Hmmmmmm
Friday, 27 May 2011
The Bitch Returns
At last Martin's talking to me. Have had to promise to never set up a surprise dinner again, or make him sit through a meal with people he can't stand and who smell strange. Thought that was a bit much, I was only trying to cheer him up. Anyway, I'm far to busy baking cakes for the bank holiday fete. Mrs Giles, who runs the W.I asked if I could help out with baking as the quality of this year's volunteers are decidedly dodgy. Although she's asked me to be discreet about it - of course.
Bumped into Lucy and her mother yesterday at the Vet's. She looked ever so tearful (the mother), and it has to be said, it looked like the dog was decidedly fat. Wonder if they're not walking it enough.
Linda's back from holiday, Barbados I think. I hadn't spoken to her in ages, as quite honestly I can't stand her, but they appeared on our doorstep last night with a bottle of Turbo Torres and a load of photo's. Before I could think of any excuse as to why they couldn't come in, Lionel had lead them into the lounge and had the glasses out quicker then you could say "knickers".
Wish he hadn't...........................
Turns out the holiday was a prezzie from their Jackie, because she's done so well at work - Well she would! She's got her knockers out and her knickers round her ankles and shagging her boss.
Anyway it turns out Jackie and Gerald are getting married (once his divorce comes through - that'll be expensive as he's got 3 kids, all in private school).
Hope they don't ask me to do the cake. I don't think I could stand the pressure.
Bumped into Lucy and her mother yesterday at the Vet's. She looked ever so tearful (the mother), and it has to be said, it looked like the dog was decidedly fat. Wonder if they're not walking it enough.
Linda's back from holiday, Barbados I think. I hadn't spoken to her in ages, as quite honestly I can't stand her, but they appeared on our doorstep last night with a bottle of Turbo Torres and a load of photo's. Before I could think of any excuse as to why they couldn't come in, Lionel had lead them into the lounge and had the glasses out quicker then you could say "knickers".
Wish he hadn't...........................
Turns out the holiday was a prezzie from their Jackie, because she's done so well at work - Well she would! She's got her knockers out and her knickers round her ankles and shagging her boss.
Anyway it turns out Jackie and Gerald are getting married (once his divorce comes through - that'll be expensive as he's got 3 kids, all in private school).
Hope they don't ask me to do the cake. I don't think I could stand the pressure.
Monday, 11 October 2010
Dog's Dinner
Martin's still not speaking to me. He's not said a word to me since the dinner party last week. Can't say I blame him really. Although, I really only did it to cheer him up.
The evening started off well enough, although Martin was late arriving, so didn't actually get a chance to warn him about the other guests before he walked into the lounge. Honestly, the look on his face, you'd think we had aliens in the house. Lionel managed to give him a drink before he could say anything - not sure it would have been suitable for the Reverand's ears. Anyway, Lucy's mother brought her little dog with them. Sir Terry was not at all happy about being put in the utility room all night, It wasn't his fault he was feeling hormonal. I mean who has a little bitch who's on heat and takes it out with them, how was Sir terry to cope with that. Any way hopefully stopped them before anything too drastic happened - although they were in the garden quite a while before Lionel realised they were missing. Not sure what type of dog they had but it kept making rude smells, or maybe it that was the Reverand!
Martin collared me in the Kitchen and was not at all complementary about the guests or the fact I'd invited them without telling him. Said that there was a foul smell in the lounge and it was making him want to gag. Not sure if it was the Reverand, the dog or Lucy's mother who had a decidedly pungent odour about her. He even threatened to go home, but managed to convince him to stay. Think it was the lure of the lemon tart that did it and the air freshner!
I thought everyone was getting on lovely, although on reflection I'm not so sure I made the best decision in the world about tonight. Glynis was decidedly giggly by the end of the evening and kept touching Lionel's knee when she thought I wasn't looking. He didn't seem to mind - not quite sure how to take that? Martin stormed off home after dessert with the excuse he had an early meeting in the morning. Didn't even kiss me goodbye and Lucy and her Mother just sat politely listening to the Reverand going on and on about his bloody copper piping. Ye Gods, don't know why I bother.
The evening started off well enough, although Martin was late arriving, so didn't actually get a chance to warn him about the other guests before he walked into the lounge. Honestly, the look on his face, you'd think we had aliens in the house. Lionel managed to give him a drink before he could say anything - not sure it would have been suitable for the Reverand's ears. Anyway, Lucy's mother brought her little dog with them. Sir Terry was not at all happy about being put in the utility room all night, It wasn't his fault he was feeling hormonal. I mean who has a little bitch who's on heat and takes it out with them, how was Sir terry to cope with that. Any way hopefully stopped them before anything too drastic happened - although they were in the garden quite a while before Lionel realised they were missing. Not sure what type of dog they had but it kept making rude smells, or maybe it that was the Reverand!
Martin collared me in the Kitchen and was not at all complementary about the guests or the fact I'd invited them without telling him. Said that there was a foul smell in the lounge and it was making him want to gag. Not sure if it was the Reverand, the dog or Lucy's mother who had a decidedly pungent odour about her. He even threatened to go home, but managed to convince him to stay. Think it was the lure of the lemon tart that did it and the air freshner!
I thought everyone was getting on lovely, although on reflection I'm not so sure I made the best decision in the world about tonight. Glynis was decidedly giggly by the end of the evening and kept touching Lionel's knee when she thought I wasn't looking. He didn't seem to mind - not quite sure how to take that? Martin stormed off home after dessert with the excuse he had an early meeting in the morning. Didn't even kiss me goodbye and Lucy and her Mother just sat politely listening to the Reverand going on and on about his bloody copper piping. Ye Gods, don't know why I bother.
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